


Embers

by Lady_Ganesh



Category: Saiyuki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-26
Updated: 2010-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-14 21:19:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/153566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Ganesh/pseuds/Lady_Ganesh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, they win with fire. And then Sanzo has to decide what to do with the rest of his life. Thanks to andmydog for betaing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Embers

The first sutra screamed as it died.

He'd started with the Seiten; it seemed fitting, somehow. He'd expected some kind of resistance, but it'd caught light as easily as a cigarette, and burned far more quickly, leaving only a shimmer of power in his hand.

The next two were easier. They screamed, too, but they were strangers, they weren't _his,_ they'd never been his.

He almost said _I'm sorry_ before the Maten caught light, but he didn't know who he thought he might be apologizing to.

It made no noise at all.

Ukoku came in just as the Maten finished burning. The power of the four sutras-- what was left of them-- was gathered in Sanzo's hand, and they both stared at one another for a moment, calculating, waiting.

Then Ukoku chucked. "I didn't think you had it in you."

"Hold nothing," Sanzo said. "Right?" He realized he was smiling. Of course he was. He'd finally lost his mind. "They burn just like ordinary paper."

As if prompted from some cosmic director, the lightning lit Ukoku's face, his face unreadable behind the dark glasses. He shook his head as the thunder crashed. "You win this round, kid." He pulled the sutra off his shoulders and tossed it to Sanzo. Sanzo caught it easily and put it to the match. "You gonna try to kill me?"

Sanzo thought about it. "Did you kill him just for the sutra?"

Ukoku snorted. "They were supposed to kill _you._ I didn't expect he'd hold you back."

 _Maybe he shouldn't have,_ Sanzo thought for the thousandth time, but he wasn't sure he believed it any more. This was, maybe, what Koumyou had wanted all along. It would be like him, to have it end like this. He laughed.

By the time he pulled his gun clear, Ukoku was gone, and he was alone in a shower of embers.

His shoulders felt oddly weighted, even though there was nothing there.

  
The worst part was how _quiet_ Sanzo was with the sutra gone.

Sure, he never talked a lot, but he talked _some,_ and when they realized it'd been three days since he yelled at anyone, the weirdness of it really started getting to them. They ended up shooting each other a lot of looks when Sanzo wasn't paying attention, and then realizing that Sanzo wasn't paying attention pretty much _all the time._

It was a relief when, another day into their trip home, the attacks started coming.

They'd managed to piss off just about everyone, so it wasn't really a surprise when they encountered a couple dozen half-mad youkai still shaking off the last of the Minus Wave.

Gojyo wasn't sure what he'd expected, but Sanzo pulled his gun out with his usual ill-hidden rage and began shooting. Gojyo listened until the gun was out of bullets-- they'd all gotten good at counting them without really thinking about it-- and glanced over, ready to back Sanzo up.

Sanzo'd pulled a knife from one of the youkai they'd killed and was fighting with lethal efficiency, the usual focus in his eyes still there. Satisfied, Gojyo'd gone back to his own part in the battle.

It was only afterward he started wondering how much more blood Sanzo'd need to touch before the curse kicked in.

  
Hakkai, of course, had already thought of it, but Sanzo was characteristically unwilling to stand back and keep out of the fray. Hakkai had expressed his sentiments as forcefully as he'd dared, and that was that. Still, they made sure to stock up on bullets at the next town, and Hakkai hoped they might find another gun, to save Sanzo having to reload, as those moments were when he was most vulnerable to attack.

They had always tried to keep him at the back; it wasn't so much different, now. And it was far too late to try to keep track of anything.

Still, sometimes Hakkai found himself watching Sanzo, thinking. Counting.

How many more would there have to be?

That night was the first time in a while they'd camped out; nothing they hadn't done a thousand times before, but Sanzo's strangeness felt even more pronounced in close quarters.

It was nothing compared to the next morning, though. Most nights, Sanzo took it as a personal affront when anyone breached his personal radius, which ranged from a few inches to a foot depending on his mood and the closeness of the sleeping quarters. When Hakkai wrote, Sanzo was curled against Goku's side like a cat. He stirred a little as Hakkai moved past; Goku mumbled something and Sanzo blinked sleepily at him. Goku looked at Hakkai, his gold eyes wide and steady, and gently brushed Sanzo's hair with his fingers, the chakra mark still visible under his bangs.

Sanzo closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

Hakkai walked carefully out of the tent-- Gojyo was still sleeping, too-- and blinked into the rising son.

He sat against one of the trees they'd camped next to and tried to make sense of the universe.

He was still at it when Goku got up, rubbing his eyes. "'S bright," he said.

"Yes."

"He'll be all right," Goku said, walking a little way from their clearing to relieve himself. "You know he will."

"Yes," Hakkai said, though he wasn't sure of any such thing. Still, if anyone could keep Sanzo steady, it was Goku. Hakkai still remembered, with a certain chill, how Sanzo had reacted when Goku'd been close to death. If things with Nataku had gone differently....

Gojyo came out of the tent next, as Goku was walking back to them. "I think His Holiness just tried to spoon me," he said, lighting his morning's first cigarette. "I think I liked it better when we were stuck sleeping in Jeep."

"He still asleep?" Goku asked. "He's been really tired."

Gojyo nodded.

Hakkai was reminded, not for the first time, of how much thinking Goku did when no one was paying attention to him. As Gojyo took his own walk to the woods, Goku stuck his head in the tent, considered for a moment, then walked in.

"He gonna be okay?" Gojyo asked, walking back.

"Goku says he will," Hakkai said, which was as close to a _yes_ as he could manage.

"If the kid says so." Gojyo took a drag off the cigarette and kicked at the fire. "Breakfast ready?"

"Probably," Hakkai said. He'd put some potatoes and what was left of their meat in the night before.

"I'm starving." Gojyo kneeled down and started picking through the ashes. "At least we got to stock up in the last town, huh?"

Gojyo had the potatoes unwrapped and in their serving bowl before he said, "You're worried, huh?"

Hakkai looked over at him. "Ah. I...I suppose I am, a bit." He got up and helped Gojyo with the meat. "He's had this purpose for so long, and now--"

"Yeah," Gojyo said. "I know."

"I suppose I'm grateful Goku's here," he continued, sounding awkward and nervous even to his own ears. _Sanzo needs him_ went unsaid.

By the time the meat was ready, Goku and Sanzo were both awake, Sanzo sullen and fussy. Goku and Gojyo made small talk and teased one another until breakfast regained a bit of normalcy, and then they were packed and off. "We should be in town by tonight," Hakkai said cheerfully. "I remember you quite liked the food there, Goku."

Goku had taken to Western food much more quickly than the others had, no surprise considering his youth and nature. "Naan bread," he said now, in something of a reverie. "Can't wait."

Sanzo closed his eyes. "Wake me if something interesting happens," he said.

Nothing did.

  
It was almost a relief when Kougaiji found them.

"I'm here to avenge my mother," he said. The anger in his voice sounded just short of madness; Sanzo wondered if Hakkai found it familiar.

"Your mom or the world," Gojyo said, putting bravado before brains yet again. "We picked the world. Sorry you got a problem with it."

Dokugakuji's knuckles were white around the hilt of his sword. "I wish it hadn't gone down like this," he said. "But it's the end."

He didn't look as certain as his words. Yaone didn't look certain at all. "Hakkai-dono," Yaone said, shy as always. "I believe we are--"

"Yes," Hakkai said, the chi already gathering in his hand. Suicidal asshole'd been hoping for something like this for years. Gojyo was just resigned, and tired; Goku--

Hell, Goku'd never turned down a fight. Still, Sanzo could read him, concern and anger warring with his eagerness for battle.

Lirin was watching him, like she expected _him_ to do something about it. Like he could--

 _Like he could--_

Something cold hit the back of his neck. _He could._

He met her gaze. "You trust me?"

"Don't hurt Onii-chan," she said.

"No," he said, and closed his eyes.

  
Sanzo was chanting. He chanted all the time, nowadays, little spells of paralysis or weakness, but this was different. Hakkai could feel the power gathering in it, like the air before a thunderstorm, charged and dangerous.

Like the days when he still had the sutra, just before the world exploded in light and flying paper. The same tension and growing power--

What was he _doing?_

"Get down!" Lirin cried, and the world exploded.

  
It wasn't like the Maten at all. The power was wild and strange and it was almost all he could do to keep it steady, keep it focused.

 _The doors to life and death._

This had been a fucking stupid idea.

Still, he had everyone's attention, which meant that no one would die unless they all died together. That seemed increasingly likely, but he gritted his teeth and held on anyway.

It would help, he realized, if he had a name, a face, something more than the _ache_ of loss from Kougaiji, and _damn_ him for that, for the familiarity of that anger and despair. For a horrible moment, Sanzo realized he could try it, work with it, reach back in time--

 _No._

He closed the door. That wasn't what Koumyou had wanted, what anyone would. That was why--

He heard her voice.

  
The sutra had been an explosion of light in the darkness; this was something different. Gojyo felt...warm.

Dokugakuji had frozen, and Gojyo followed his gaze to Kougaiji. Kougaiji, in turn, was looking at Sanzo...or more precisely, the warm swirl of light in front of Sanzo. It seemed like an eternity before the shimmering glow finally took shape.

"No _way,"_ Dokugakuji said, and Gojyo didn't recognize her-- they hadn't exactly had time to sightsee in Houtou-- but her features were familiar, the same way Jien's face always echoed Mom's.

Kougaiji had dropped to his knees.

Gojyo couldn't make out what she said; none of them could, later, when Kougaiji was safely out of earshot. But Gojyo didn't figure the words were what mattered, anyway. She looked up, toward the end, and Gojyo saw her eyes fix on Lirin. _You're so beautiful,_ a woman's voice said, and then....

A door closing, or maybe the first shovel of dirt hitting the coffin. She was gone, and the light faded out, and Kougaiji was still on his knees, Dokugakuji and the others running to him.

Behind him, he heard Sanzo fall to the ground.

  
Things were _fuzzy,_ and the paper settling on his shoulders wasn't his. Still, it felt...

It felt _good._

"Sanzo!" Goku was touching his arm. His voice sounded off, underwater.

"I'm fine," he said. When had it gotten so dark?

"...always gettin' yourself hurt."

"Shut up."

  
"Is he gonna be okay?"

Hakkai looked up and smiled at her. "Yes, he'll be fine. I'm...not quite sure what he did, honestly, but his breathing and pulse are normal. I suspect he just...overexerted himself."

Lying on the ground like that, you could really see how he was losing his hair up front. Goku was holding his hand, but Lirin didn't think she was supposed to notice that.

Onii-chan was still kneeling on the ground. He was going to be there a while. Lirin guessed he hadn't had a chance to say goodbye, the first time. She kneeled down next to him and rubbed his back for a while. "I wish I'd had a chance to say goodbye to Mother," she said. "Even though she never loved me."

"I'm sorry," Onii-chan said. He reached out and put an arm around her shoulders.

"But we still have each other, right?"

He pulled her close and held her for so long she started getting a leg cramp. She didn't complain though.

Onii-chan needed her.

  
They left Goku in the room, babysitting Sanzo. He didn't seem to mind, and they needed some air. Gojyo lit a cigarette, and Hakkai just leaned against the back wall and watched him.

"So," Gojyo said finally, "what the fuck happened?"

Hakkai's voice, when it came, was distant. "There were five sutras. One held the doors of life, and another death. I think...."

"He found her? Brought her back or something?"

Hakkai nodded.

"How did he _do_ that? How'd he get them _back?_ He burnt them, didn't he? He said he burned them all."

"I'm not entirely sure," Hakkai confessed, with one of his nervous chuckles. "Perhaps he willed them back into existence."

"Don't be stupid," snapped a voice from the doorway. "They created the world. The paper was just their physical form. When I called on them, they came back."

"Like you knew that before today," Gojyo scoffed. Sanzo threw him a death glare, but Gojyo could see it was an effort for the priest to hold himself upright, so he could push his luck a little further. "Nice of you to join us."

"Fuck off," Sanzo said, lighting up.

It was always nice to see Sanzo pissy. Made things feel normal.

"We're going to have to get these to their masters," Sanzo continued. "They don't belong to me, and they shouldn't be so close together."

"And how're we gonna do that? They got calling cards on 'em?"

If Sanzo wasn't so exhausted, Gojyo'd be dodging bullets by now. "I'll find them," he snapped.

Gojyo was about to ask Sanzo what _we_ was involved, but he caught Hakkai's eye then and shut up.

"Start packing," Sanzo continued, taking his cigarette back into the inn. "Wake me in an hour."

"You asshole," Gojyo retorted, but Sanzo was already gone.

"Well," Hakkai said, with a strange combination of irritation and relief. "It seems we have a purpose again."

"Yeah," Gojyo said, and wondered why he felt so relieved, too.


End file.
